Hesitation.

In the past few months God has called me to commit to some possible life changing decisions. Such as, changing my major and becoming a youth intern. These seem minute in the scheme of things but they could possibly lead to something bigger. Before committing to these new obligations I had to realize that He is faithful. God wouldn’t lead me to something if I wasn’t able to fulfill his promises. So without hesitation I said yes to these commands, not knowing what the outcome will be but knowing it will bring Him glory.

These two decisions were early in the semester.

Fast forward to spring retreat.

Going into spring retreat, I was expecting not to get much out of it, much like fall retreat. I was wrong.

One of the key things we talked about at spring retreat that has stuck with me, is one of the many things Neil McClendon said:

Kill sin, or sin will be killing you.

How can I be willing to commit to change my major and hold a leadership position and not be willing to kill my sin and fully commit to Him? How can God ask something so easy to commit to but have allow me to struggle through something so hard?

I didn’t hesitate when it came to the previous commands, so how is killing my sin any different?  How come I can only give part of my life to Him but pridefully hold on to sin that I cannot handle on my own?

1 Corinthians 19 states:

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;

Our sin & the Spirit cannot be in the same place at once. We will be consumed by one or the other. If the Holy Spirit dwells inside of us, we have no choice but give everything to Him.

Another question I had through out spring retreat was: Is hesitation a sin? And the answer is, YES. If I’m not committing my entire life to Him & being filled with the Spirit and allowing myself to keep the sin in my life, then yes, hesitation is a sin. Hesitation is allowing me justify my sin.

I realized my problem is that I’ve gotten so used to my sin my life that I forgot what it feels like to constantly lean on the Eternal Savior. I had become prideful and scared. Hesitant. I had gotten to point of killing sin but not following through. I was scared to experience my life outside of my comfort zone. God doesn’t call us to be comfortable. He calls us to live for Him. Hesitation only allows me to resort back to the lifestyle that I want to get rid of because I’m scared of letting go.

Pride & hesitation are my weaknesses. God was allowing me to go through struggles so He can use them for boasting. Realizing this allows me to fully commit to Him & declare He is faithful.

Hesitating gives no promise. God gives us promise. To receive God’s promises we must fully commit our ENTIRE life to Him. If we, as Christians are willing to give our career & future aspirations to the Lord, then why aren’t we willing to give our pride and fear too?  Giving everything to Him allows to have fulfillment, to be humble & to have courage. I’d rather have my life be filled with the Spirit then be filled with sin; sin only leads to destruction and excuses, being filled with the Holy Spirit leads us to guidance & fulfillment.

Kill sin & commit to an eternal life with the Eternal Father.

He has overcome the world & He can overcome our sin.

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

2 Corinthians 3:17

(Oddly enough, I wrote 90% of this before The Well)